The Cure for Loneliness IS Relational Radiance
What is relational radiance?
How does it cure loneliness and create true fulfillment and enduring happiness?
And how can you get some?
The research is clear: The quality of your life – including your happiness and sense of feeling connected vs. feeling lonely – depends on the quality of your relational life. But what do I mean by “relational life”?
If I asked you about your social life, you’d know what I’m talking about. Our social life is the part of our life spent doing enjoyable things with others, often in public. Your relational life includes that but is much, much more.
Your relational life is the cumulative quality of all of your relationships and your experiences in those relationships.
This starts with your relationship to yourself. The quality of your connection to others is limited to the quality of your connection to yourself. If you are disconnected from, or denying parts of your authentic self OR if major parts of your authentic self are unknown to anyone, then you won’t feel sufficiently connected to others and you’ll feel lonely.
But sharing parts of our authentic self can be really scary, especially our deepest relational wounds and sexual desires. There is so much judgment and shame about sexuality in our culture – of course many of us would choose to hide the scary parts instead of risking rejection or shame. But the end result of avoiding rejection or shame by keeping parts of us hidden from anyone is long term loneliness.
As a relationship & intimacy professional I create a confidential, comfortable, and nonjudgemental space for you to open up vulnerably and explore your inner self while being seen and wholly accepted. You’ll learn how to cultivate that safe space out in the world to be your true self. You’ll be guided toward further self awareness to love yourself more. You will learn the theory and research that explains how your unique expression is a totally natural variation with the diverse array of human sexuality. There is nothing wrong with you. It’s not easy to learn how to survive unscathed in our sex-negative, body shaming, misogynistic, homophobic, toxic-masculine patriarchy. But I can show you how.
Beyond the self, your relational life extends to your relationship with others. This includes your family, friends, romantic partner(s), community, neighbors, co-workers, and even acquaintances. Your relational life includes your public and private lives.
It may seem counterintuitive, but one can have a very active, and seemingly fulfilling, social life while feeling very lonely. I’ve seen it in my practice plenty. Behind the mask of a vibrant social life, we can wrestle with loving ourself and have a hard time being authentic with anyone. Maybe because we’re too busy trying to be what we imagine other people want us to be rather than being our authentic self. When we are not authentic with ourselves we can’t be authentic with others and we can’t forge authentic, quality relationships. Without authentic, quality relationships, we’ll feel lonely.
We are social creatures and we thrive in connection. We suffer and perish in isolation. Loneliness is not just a miserable way to live, it’s a leading cause of early death – as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
Whether we feel lonely or we feel connected depends on the quality of our relational life. When our relational life is suffering we’ll feel lonely. When our relational life is thriving we feel connected, happy, and purposeful.
Let Us Rise Into Relational Radiance
You may have heard a new term circulating within a society craving for it: relational wellness. This, of course, is a label for measuring the quality of your relational life. In my work as a dating, relationship, sex, & charisma coach, I work not just for my clients to be relationally well, I strive to help them to become relationally radiant. Relational radiance is when your relational life is not just well and healthy, it’s thriving. Relational radiance is when your relational life is absolutely RADIANT.
Regarding loneliness, I am called to the metaphor of the frog placed in a pot of tepid water on a hot burner whose complacency at the slowly rising temperature destines it to boiling to death. While not scientifically accurate, this idea is a useful metaphor for a life of loneliness. The escape route is to rise into relational radiance. We do this by learning how to cultivate enduring quality relationships. This is a skillset that can be learned.
Relational radiance is becoming discerning and intentional about relationships we invest in. It’s learning to accept our true selves and others. It’s connecting to and caring for the wounded child within each of us. It’s setting and respecting boundaries, and learning to stay connected even through the challenging times. It’s a journey of personal evolution.
Rising into a life of relational radiance is a journey of empowerment. It involves identifying and uprooting both invisible psychological biases and the culturally imposed blocks to our relational destiny – such as toxic shame, judgment, insecurity, trauma, to name just a few. It involves forging self-worth, self-compassion, and a sense of belonging so that we can show up authentically and vulnerably.
Your journey will be unique to your challenges and the path that brought you here. It may include any of the specialties of my practice such as:
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dating made fun & fruitful
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finding & building profoundly fulfilling relationships
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fearless flirting
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cultivating confidence & authenticity
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rejection resilience
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relational intelligence
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emotional intelligence
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erotic intelligence
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overcome shame
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communication skills
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healing formative wounds
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developing charisma for magnetic likeability
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deepening intimacy
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cultivating supportive, quality community
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deepening friendships
Why is Relational Radiance Alone Insufficient?
Chance circumstances can, and often do, coalesce to create relational radiance, at least for a time in our lives. But we live in a society that is arguably designed to create loneliness. Think of all the lonely elders in our society who reflect upon relationally radiant times. The research is clear: gay men are the most likely to grow lonely as they age compared to other demographics. Even those who enjoyed a relationally radiant youth fueld by their desirable youthful looks. But when we look to other cultures we can see that this is entirely avoidable. For example, in the film documentary ‘Happy’, Guam is amongst the happiest people on Earth because they live in a culture that fosters relational radiance across all ages.
So do not take it for granted: relational radiance today does not mean relational radiance tomorrow. What we need from relationships changes as we grow and change. Relational radiance will fade if it is not fortified with resilience in the target of the slings and arrows that will continue to assault us from the toxic culture around us.
How do you know that the relational wellness you may be enjoying today will endure? Without intentional practices and behaviors it’s unlikely to. But I can help you integrate intentional skills and behaviors to sustain an enduring and resilient relational radiance to avert a life of loneliness.
What Would Relational Radiance Look Like For You?
Your vision of relational radiance is just as wonderfully unique as you are.
Take a moment to envision your dream life. Just imagine: you’re happy and fulfilled, living and loving the best life – 100% authentically you. You don’t care what the haters say and you keep them at bay. You cultivate an enduring and unstoppable confidence no matter your age or body type. You’re uninhibited and resilient to rejection. You’re comfortable & relaxed on dates and other social, sexual, and romantic situations. Your life is full of amazingly fulfilling and dynamic relationships – friends, community, a lover – or maybe you want several? A partner – or maybe a polycule. It’s your dream, so it’s your choice.
Imagine a life where conflict in your relationships is no longer a threat of violence but an opportunity to deepen intimacy, understanding, and security. A life where the uncomfortable moments are worth their opportunity for growth.
You are shamelessly living the social life, love life, and sex life of your dreams – no matter how kinky, queer, or unconventional you are. This is your personal vision of relational radiance. And you are confident about your skills to cultivate its resilience. Whether you believe it or not, this life is totally possible.
But to overcome your blindspots to rise into a resilient and enduring relational radiance, you’ll need a guide. Someone highly educated, well trained, and experienced at helping people like you overcome obstacles to forge your dream life. A guide who has helped people like Oliver, at age 58, to “reclaim the ability to be intimate with someone.” A guide who, Nicholas (age 56) said “I feel that I quite literally owe the success of finding the relationship I’ve always wanted…”
Whether you’re single or partnered, and no matter how kinky, queer or unconventional you are, I’m your coach to the social-life, sex-life, and love-life of your dreams.
Because EVERYONE deserves a life full of loving and fulfilling relationships. Join our movement to overcome the toxic culture around us to become an epic lover living in resilient relational radiance. Begin your dream love story – your dream sexlife – your life in relational radiance today by scheduling a free discovery call right now. In this one-on-one private consultation, we’ll customize your roadmap of relational radiance for the life of your dreams. I will share my approach and answer all of your questions to help you plan the next steps.
The sooner you act, the quicker you can stop letting love and great sex pass you by. Plus – the more of your life you’ll get to love.
You’re at a crossroads. Do you want to continue missing out on great sex and deeply fulfilling relationships – risking loneliness, regrets, and missed opportunities? Potentially even dying alone? Or are you ready to invest in your destiny to become an epic lover living in relational radiance, pulsing with pleasure, living a legacy of love? What are you waiting for? Book your free discovery call today at diggerkeith.com