Enjoy the best dates, relationships, intimacy, & sex possible!
Hello and welcome! My name is Digger and I help people with a wide range of issues across all types of platonic & intimate relationships – from friends, family, colleagues, communities, to lovers including intimacy and sex. I can help you develop your relational, charismatic, emotional, & erotic abilities for a life full of the best professional opportunities, relationships, intimacy, and sex possible!
We’re all born with the potential to create deeply fulfilling human connections and mind-blowing intimacy. Yet for most of us, this potential has been poisoned by the toxic culture around us. As your coach, I can help you overcome these barriers to attract & create deeply fulfilling relationships & intimacy.
We can tackle shame, repression, limiting beliefs, old patterns, and more for a life with less pain and more joy. We can build charisma and confidence in healthy and fulfilling social, relationship, and erotic skills. Some of the most common issues addressed in my practice are detailed in the Benefits page.
I bring a masters degree in psychology plus a bachelors degree in biology and extensive training in sexuality, comedy, communication, charisma, and the Somatica® method of coaching. I also draw from from 5+ decades of professional and personal life experiences across the globe, inspired by cultures with healthier relationships and sexuality. My personality balances profound inquiry with play and humor for an encouraging and uplifting presence that leaves others relaxed, comfortable, and seen without judgement. For more about my life journey and qualifications, check out the About Me page.
This is not psychotherapy. This is somatic coaching that often harnesses embodied practices and experiential learning to accelerate the integration of shameless authenticity and optimal relationship skills. I tailor my approach to your needs, drawing from a broad range of skills and styles. For more about how I work, check out The Work page.
I recommend that you select a coach that you feel safe, warm, and comfortable talking with. To find out if that’s me, I hope you’ll accept my invitation for a free initial consultation. I can share my approach particular to your goals and answer any questions to help you decide if I’m the right fit for you. To book your free consultation, click here.
I sincerely hope that, whatever your next step is, it leads to the joy-filled life you deserve!
Question: How can I benefit from working with a sex & relationship coach?
I can help with a wide range of goals across all types of relationships from friends, family, colleagues, communities, and lovers. I’ll start below with my specialties that set me apart from similar coaches, but be sure to keep scrolling past the images that separate sections about specific coaching benefits around sex & intimacy, kink & BDSM, relationships, & charisma.
- Dating. Made Fun: It’s not just you – it truly is the most difficult time in human history to date and select suitable life mates. But, within a culture that is so rapidly and drastically changing, it’s not too surprising that most of us are doing it wrong! Alas, there’s hope. We’ve never had more scientific evidence that upends common dead-end cultural myths with surprising truths about what actually makes dating and relationships successful. We’ll use evidence-based strategies to break unhealthy patterns of the past and sharpen your skills to make flirting, courting, and dating both fun and fruitful.
- Body Issues & Aging: We are steeped in an age-shaming culture full of body fascism. If left unchecked, this can deplete our confidence and power, leading to depression and loneliness. You’ll learn to cultivate your confidence, develop your shame resilience, and hone your charismatic super-hero powers to become more desirable and happy at any age with any type of body.
- All Relationship Orientations: I’ve been monogamous, open, and polyamorous with extensive training & resources that make me well adapted to work with people of all relationship orientations.
- Consensual Non-Monogamy: I am highly trained in this topic – with personal life experiences and evidence-based tools for creating, sustaining, and navigating thriving alternative relationship structures. I can help you as a polycule, couple, or as an individual find the relationship paradigm and agreements of your dream love life.
- Kink/BDSM: I have a long journey from vanilla through various kinks myself. I’m well versed, learned, and kink fluent with ample resources no matter your fetish. I can help you understand and embrace the eroticism of even the most taboo or unusual kink. I have some myself 🙂
- Charisma: Charisma will literally make you more attractive – physically, sexually, platonically, & more. I employ evidence-based strategies to develop your personal magnetism to attract the best attention and deeper connection from suitors, friends, families, even career opportunities. Ask me how.
- Life Design / Habit Design: Design the life you want by adopting good habits & ending bad habits. I teach empirically sound strategies based on the latest scientific research for effective, efficient, & easy life habit design. This can target any area of life, even beyond relationships.
- Human Selection: How many times have you had to choose a professional, such as a therapist or sacred intimate and had no clue how to choose one? My graduate degree included scientifically backed strategies for selecting to hire the best professionals of all stripes. This can also be applied to selecting roommates, partners, friends, & lovers.
- Humor/Comedy: Everyone can learn how to be more funny, and I can help. While humor is fun, it’s not frivolous. It’s good therapy, a good connection device, and a harbinger of compatibility & intelligence. I’ve aced the basic & advanced programs at the SF Comedy College to foster funny. I’ve done successful NSFW on-stage standup comedy and I have a rather comical YouTube channel. I can help you develop an irresistible sense of humor that is authentic to you.
- Sex & Drugs: If you are struggling with and want to stop or reduce sex-related drug use, read on. Drug use is popular with sex to medicate the wounds of a sex-negative, homophobic, toxic-masculine, patriarchy. Drugs get us out of our heads & energized into our bodies. They numb away cultural & religious shame & inhibitions to help us connect, with power, to our authentic sexuality. Unfortunately, they also have dangerous downsides that can destroy lives. They temporarily reclaim the erotic empowerment that was stolen from us by the toxic world around us. Working with a sex coach can eventually help you enjoy all these benefits with reduced or no drug use. Ask me all about it.
- Gay Sex & Gay/bi/curious Men (MSM): While I welcome and have value for clients of all genders & orientations, my own personal life journey as a mostly-gay Daddy dude gives me a significant edge when working with gay, bi-, or curious men of all gender identities. Or folks of any gender who want a fuller understanding of pleasuring bodies with penises.
And/or set up a free discovery call now or later. I would love to share my specific approach for your goals in a free consultation. This one-on-one zoom or phone conversation will allow me to answer any questions you have and help you decide if I’m a good fit for you. To book your free consultation, click here.
Sex & Intimacy
Sex Coaching | Intimacy Coaching
Sexual shame and misinformation affects everyone at some level – either personally or through others around us. This often disconnects people from their authentic self and prevents them from pursuing and building fulfilling relationships and intimacy in life. This can lead to dissatisfaction, loneliness, depression, despair and many other challenges that can often be addressed through sex & intimacy coaching. Common goals & issues addressed in my practice include:
- The Hottest Sex Life: I can help you explore, discover, and understand your authentic desires, fantasies, and hottest turn-ons. We can consider the breadth of options for relationships, sex, and intimacy with non-judgmental and fact based considerations. I can help you pursue your desires safely with skills in the art of seduction and sex without shame. I can also help you understand others’ desires and how to bridge the differences. We’ll work through shame or discomfort toward self-acceptance and love so that you can pursue your true desires to build the life of your dreams.
- Deeply Fulfilling Intimacy: Our sex-negative, shame-riddled culture makes it difficult to be our authentic self for fear of judgement, rejection, humiliation, or worse. Plus it is very rare to witness optimal self-knowledge & relationship skills. These are essential to fulfilling relationships. We can identify & overcome such barriers while incorporating innerpersonal & interpersonal skills to attract & build your life full of fulfilling authentic relationship(s).
- Shame and Sex-Negativity: We’ll uproot the sex-negativity of our culture and learn to vigilantly detoxify it from your life. We’ll work through and build defenses against insidious shame and internalized homophobia that impedes true intimacy.
- Sexual Health & Education: As a sex educator, I can share open, honest, factual, and thorough sex-positive education that is based on pleasure and science rather than dogma and shame. We can clarify and deconstruct cultural biases and miseducation that inhibits your full potential for thriving intimacy and connection.
- Red Hot Erotic Technique: Learn basic to advanced love technique including psychology, communication, context, anatomy, and physiology of sex.
- Experiential Learning: We can practice skills in communication, conflict resolution, and touch to deepen your relationships and enliven passion, desire, and erotic empowerment. Experiential sex & intimacy coaching can help you improve your ability to emotionally and physically connect with yourself and others.
- Sexual Dysfunctions and Difficulties: We can address trauma, anxiety, low desire, confidence building, phobias, erectile dysfunction, condom fatigue, painful intercourse, challenges to orgasm, lackluster sex, and inexperience.
- Sexy Communication & Negotiation: We can practice effective communication to create a safe space with partner(s), which is integral as a foundation for authentic intimacy and hot sex.
- Consent: Learn how to respect consent and boundaries while building, rather than losing, the organic passion of the moment.
- Getting What You Want, and Stopping What You Don’t Want: I can help you discover and share your boundaries in a sexy, clear, and loving way. And I can help you sense to respect your partner’s boundaries even when they can’t.
- Conflict Resolution: “Conflict” is sadly often synonymous with “violence” in our dysfunctional society because, for many of us, violence is the only way we have seen conflicts “resolved.” But in fact, with the proper skills, this need not be the case. Conflicts can be resolved in more relaxed ways that deepen intimacy, safety, and closeness. I can show you how.
- Sex Without Drugs: Intoxicants are used as a shortcut to bypass shame and tap our authentic and uninhibited, fully embodied sexuality. I can help get you there sober or in recovery from addiction.
- Selecting Professionals: With extensive education in employee selection and an understanding of the various related professional domains that can support your goals, I can help you select effective and quality professionals of all kinds – both conventional and unconventional.
Kink Coaching / BDSM Coaching
- Learning about and understanding kinks and fetishes.
- Considerations for harnessing kinks & fetishes safely
- BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadomasochism)
- Connecting you with communities of similar interests
- Skills building
As your relationship coach, I can help you with social and charisma skills that can improve all types of platonic and intimate relationships from acquaintances, colleagues, community, friends, & family, to partners & lovers. I can help you identify and optimize habitual behavior to maximize your success in dating or existing relationships. I can also work with you on:
- Confidence building
- Cultivating magnetic charisma & attractiveness
- Empowered flirting
- Overcoming rejection
- Conversational and relational skills
- Humor, charm, and confidence
- Habit formation
- LGBT issues such as coming out, homophobia, gay-male shame, gender diversity, etc.
- Bridging racial & cultural diversity in relationships
- Overcoming social, sexual, & relational anxiety
- Managing emotional triggers
- Deepening intimacy and rewarding connection in all relationships
- Preventing irritation & disappointment for more fulfilling relationships
- Building community, friendships, and supportive relationships
- Empowered dating
- Intentional mate selection & compatibility
- Repairing relationships efficiently to maximize joy and minimize strife
- Understanding yourself and others
- Finding the right intimacy & relationship(s) styles for you across the spectrum from monogamous to open to polyamorous (and more!)
- Creating and navigating alternative relationship structures like open or polyamorous
The range of possible issues is far too big to include here, but these are some of the more common ones addressed in my coaching practice. I would love to tell you about my approach for your particular situation and goals and answer any of your questions in a free initial private consultation Zoom call. To book your free call, click here.
Qualifications & Training:
- Extensive formal & informal education in psychology, habit formation, comedy, charisma, sexuality, anatomy, and physiology.
- M.S. I/O Psychology (2017), B.S. Biology, B.A. Chemistry
- Currently enrolled in level 1 of the Developmental Model Training Program at The Couples Institute.
- Consensual Non-Monogamy Level 1: Clinical Skills & Interventions at the Institute for Relational Intimacy, Completed Nov 2023.
- The Art & Science of Love – Gottman Institute, taught by Anne Goshen, Aug 2023
- The Somatica® Character Strategies training, Sept 2022.
- Advanced Training in the Somatica® Method of Sex, Relationship, & Intimacy Coaching, 2021.
- Trained in Nonviolent Communication
- Graduate of the San Francisco Comedy College, 2017. Watch my NSFW 1st grad show here.
- Professional and life experiences of 5+ decades across the globe.
- Coaching since 2016
I am a sex-positive, often-kinky, cisgender, mostly-gay daddy dude who strongly values sexual, gender, and relationship diversity. I see clients in person in the San Francisco Bay Area (SF & Oakland), and virtually worldwide via Zoom.
I am educated & experienced in sexuality, biology, anatomy, physiology, nonviolent communication, psychology, habit formation, charisma, comedy, and the Somatica® method of sex & relationship coaching. As a life-long learner, I draw from decades of professional and personal life experiences across the globe, inspired by cultures with healthier relationships and sexuality.
I grew up as an awkward out-cast in sex-negative, puritanical, and homophobic middle America. I’ve tried the inauthentic life and it sucked real hard. When I came out in the early ’90s, LGBTQIA2+ role models were hard to find.
I’ve worked through our culture’s negative judgment and beliefs about my body, my relationships, and my sexuality. I’ve persevered with confidence to pursue my desires and build profoundly supportive, loving, and sexy relationships.
My passion is empowering others to overcome shame, repression, and fearful limitations to create a life full of joy, wonderful relationships, and mind-blowing sex. My style of relating is profound and thoughtful in balance with play and humor when & where appropriate.
My vision is a world where all people are afforded the support, information, and transformational experiences to grow into the wonderfully diverse, fully empowered, and shamelessly authentic versions of ourselves. Join me in building a society that flourishes in healthy relational & erotic skills that forge the best relationships – from friends to community to colleagues to families and, of course, to lovers.
Choosing a coach is a big decision. I recommend to select a coach that you feel safe, warm, and comfortable talking with. To find out if that’s me, I hope you’ll accept my invitation for a free initial consultation Zoom call. I can share my approach particular to your situation and goals and answer any questions to help you decide if I’m the right fit for you. To book your free call, click here.
From Dating Dud To Best Relationship Of His Life
“My work with Digger was nothing short of miraculous. After spending two years fumbling around on my own in the online dating world and having not much more than discouragement to show for it, I went from single to finding my partner and into the best relationship of my life in a period of a few months once I started working with Digger. There is no way I would have gotten here without Digger. He helped me figure out which platform was best for they type of relationship I wanted, then helped in the wording of my profile such that I was meeting people that were a much better fit. He helped me figure out what I was doing wrong in navigating sites and first meetings that was interfering in getting to know people. He’s up on the latest information and presents it in a down-to-earth, practical way. I feel that I quite literally owe the success of finding the relationship I’ve always wanted to Digger.”
[Digger] helped me reclaim the ability to be intimate with someone
“For the first time in a long time, I was comfortable with someone in an intimate space, with no fear of being hurt, or not meeting expectations. I could say “I can do this” and enjoy the moment….The feeling is indescribable; it is the true sense of “empowerment.” ….your smiles, and patience, and tenderness were an essential part of today’s accomplishment. Please accept my thanks, from the bottom of my heart. Every moment of intimacy from here forward will be in part because you helped me reclaim the ability to be intimate with someone. And that’s on top of all the outstanding information that you shared…” (Name changed to respect confidentiality)”
Restore your confidence to make your dreams come true...
“Digger’s openness and non-judgmental embrace feels like I have made a new friend for life, one who not only cares about my happiness, but has the skills, heart and tools to make it happen. Somehow this beautiful guy is both man and boy, reassuring friend and hot stranger, a companion to go where you want, but also a leader whose wisdom will get you there safely. He can create an awakening for joyful new chapters in your life, and restore your confidence to make your dreams come true.”
(Re)discover the inherently playful nature of sex...which makes me attractive
“Digger has an easy-going style that is supportive, non-judgmental, and nurturing….He genuinely enjoys what he does which I find empowering as it provides me the license to push through old boundaries…. he helped me (re)discover the inherently playful nature of sex and that which makes me attractive regardless of age, physique, or experience. He helped renew and accentuate my enthusiasm to explore, be myself, and gain a sense of confidence I never had. Digger provided me the chance to be confident around my sexuality. Confidence opens new doors to intense and playful opportunities. Community ideals regarding beauty continue to be our own worst enemy; Digger helps me distance myself from those ego deflators and barriers to fully enjoy and explore my sexuality. I find him an irresistible breath of fresh air. He is honest, earnest, and bright.”